Nat Locke: as the bitter Perth winter sets in, the key to coping with the cold is to complain vociferously

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Nat Locke: as the bitter Perth winter sets in, the key to coping with the cold is to complain vociferously

I can’t tell you how surprised I am to discover that it’s the first day of winter today. Especially as in my mind, I was quite certain it was roughly mid-March. But in news that will shock absolutely no one, I can confirm that I have already started complaining about the cold.

Part of the problem is that we were spoiled with lovely sunny weather for way too long and now the harsh reality of a bitter Perth winter has already started to impact. And by bitter Perth winter, I mean now I have to put a cardigan on.

I went to university in Melbourne, so I am well acquainted with how ********** an actual winter can be. On my first day of classes, which fell on February 23, when I went to drive off in my 1979 Corolla, the windscreen was iced over. IN FEBRUARY. From May to September of that year, I wore two jumpers every single day. I felt the cold in the core of my bones. Most of my cardio came from shivering. And the drizzle. Oh, so much drizzle. Everything was permanently damp for months on end. It was grim.

So yes, I know how to suffer through a cold winter. And the way to do it is to complain vociferously.

To be fair, I was ready for a change in the weather this year. That lingering summer had me looking longingly at my drawer full of jumpers, wondering if I was going to get to them before the moths did. I had picked my favourites to take to Melbourne for the Easter break, but it was unseasonably warm there, too. I dined outside in balmy warmth. My jumpers came home again, unworn. Same for the trench coat that I optimistically packed. Melbourne’s changed, evidently.

So, my wardrobe is ready for winter. But it turns out that the very first time it was a bit brisk at the dog park about a week ago, I instantly regretted wanting winter to arrive. The bitter winds whipped up and I had to dip into the extensive puffer jacket collection.

Some people like to talk about wind chill factor or degrees when it comes to the temperature. But my metric is the Puffer Jacket Index. The range varies from a light weight short puffer (Level 1) to a light weight long puffer, to a heavy weight short puffer, to a heavy weight long puffer (Level 4) to full on waterproof rain gear (Level 4W). Now, I don’t want to alarm you but we are already at Defcon 3.

Maybe I’m just getting soft in my old age. Or maybe they don’t make puffer jackets like they used to. But I’m wearing them everywhere. I’m starting to think I wouldn’t do very well on a trip to Antarctica. Which is a shame, because I think I’d really like to go to Antarctica. If it wasn’t so cold.

I shouldn’t be so reactive because at least my house is better prepared for the cold these days. Up until a few years ago, my only source of heat was an open fireplace in the loungeroom. I would have to either light a fire every night, or huddle under so many blankets that I would be pinned to the couch. Which is a dreadful outcome. No, really. Sometimes I would just have to lie there for hours, gathering the strength to tell

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that yes, I’m still watching.

Ducted air **** and heating has changed all of that, of course. Now, I can just press a button on my phone and warm air is blasted into whichever room I want it. And I don’t need a bottle of methylated spirits and half a newspaper to get it going. This means that I don’t wake up with the tip of my nose feeling so cold it’s gone numb, which is a nice change. Even the cat is not quite as dependent on my body heat for her survival, which is also a pleasant outcome, considering she can get a bit snarly if I have the audacity to move in my own bed. I know. The nerve of me.

There is a silver lining this winter, and that’s the fact that in the last six months or so, I have embraced my naturally curly hair. So I can wander about in rain without being worried that my straightened hair is going to turn into an abominable frizz ball. So there’s that.

In the meantime, I’m going to cook up a 44-gallon drum of pumpkin soup and count down the days to my next warm holiday.

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#Nat #Locke #bitter #Perth #winter #sets #key #coping #cold #complain #vociferously

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