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My Lungs Are Physically Sore From Laughing So Hard At The 50 Funniest Tweets From The Month

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My Lungs Are Physically Sore From Laughing So Hard At The 50 Funniest Tweets From The Month

Folks, I can’t believe summer 2024 is coming to an end already — what a chaotic three months it has been. Before we head into September, let’s have one last laugh at the funniest tweets from August.

1.

@PirateCoop

2.

@fairy_duststash

3.

In junior high I had a crush on a guy on my swim team whose legs looked like this but my friends and I didn’t know his name so we called him “white feet”

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— non sequitur (@deeshka)

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@deeshka

4.

@jzux

5.

@DavidDTSS

6.

Today at Ft Lauderdale Airport, the man in a nearby stall was muttering “****’s got this” before throwing his belt off. I don’t know what ******* emergency was burdening him, but I wish him the best, as I know we all do.

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— Andrew Farmer (@thatsajellyfish)

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@thatsajellyfish

7.

@kerrywashington

8.

@_EricLamarBeatz

9.

A female coworker told me she’s ******** by my mind, then proceeded to explain that it’s because she’s a psychologist and finds psychopaths fascinating. Now, hold up, heifer.

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— 𝗛𝗼𝗺𝗼 𝗡𝗲𝗴𝗿𝘂𝘀 𝗦𝘂𝗽𝗲𝗿𝗶𝗼𝗿 (@BDMNRS)

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@BDMNRS

10.

My husband met us at the park and surprised me with a large iced coffee and I didn’t have the heart to tell him I just had a large iced coffee so now I’m vibrating and going to ***** myself

— h

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@tinotonitini_

11.

@georgie_rae_

12.

If I were Jordan Chiles n nem I’d tell the Olympics my Momma got the Medal now. Cus you KNOW once yo momma get ahold to your accolades, they ain’t goin NOWHERE!

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— Cindy Noir

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Hulu / @thecindynoir

13.

@__Curtdoggg

14.

@CRGCALS

15.

Today I went to the bank and asked if they had an atm. The guy said they had a drive thru. I said oh I walked here. He said that’s fine. I had to wait in line behind a car like this

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— naomi (@lachancenaomi27)

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@lachancenaomi27

16.

Ingrown hair is so childish to me because why are you actually trapped?Be grown & push through without causing a scene.

— Jacen Bowman (@JacenBowman)

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@JacenBowman

17.

@Roysenotes

18.

Pixar / @Whotfismick

19.

********* culture funny asl mfs really say “how you doing” and walk off 💀

— fatou (@VICKIAHNA)

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@VICKIAHNA

20.

Me: We really need to be better about our language around the kids.Husband: why?3 year old snuggles down on the couch with a blanket: *whispers* this is cozy as *****. Husband: I see.

— One Awkward Mom (@oneawkwardmom)

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@oneawkwardmom

21.

@alyssalimp

22.

@sadmonsters

23.

Me (lying next to 4yo as he falls asleep, thinking about the brevity of life and trying to impress this very moment in my memory for when he is grown): I love you4yo (whispering very softly): Daddy you need a mint

— Matt (@scriptumsent)

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@scriptumsent

24.

@ruff_bluffs

25.

im crying i ordered a turtle pineapple bun at dim sum and ten mins later the waitress comes out apologizing profusely like “we’re so sorry it came out really ugly. do you want it still we’ll give it to you for free” YES OF COURSE anyway i love him. he was delicious

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— leander! (@heroleanders)

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@heroleanders

26.

last night there was a party in my apartment and while i was making a sandwich in the kitchen someone i don’t know came up to me and said “are you allowed to do that”

— Dirk Fuckner

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@/timerube

27.

@Brittymigs

28.

ill bet sour cream and salsa dont really like eachother on a personal level but when they get in the studio together its undeniable

— paddle (@ipaddlearound)

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@ipaddlearound

29.

growing up there was a cody in every elementary school class but as an ****** i haven’t met a cody in years. where did they go

— campbell g (@rodeoman)

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@rodeoman

30.

@PabloRochat

31.

I recently taught my kiddo how to make my iced coffee bc she loves to be involved- it’s always made so well & the other day something just felt off- this morning she made my coffee & while she was doing the espresso she said “sometimes you need extra energy.. so I do 4 scoops”

— ❀ 𝚜𝚝𝚘𝚗𝚎𝚍 𝚠𝚒𝚏𝚎𝚢𝚢 ❀ (@Stonedwifeyy)

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@Stonedwifeyy

32.

@cyncl3r

33.

@vitt2tsnoc

34.

@drhingram

35.

@NICKWATTS__/

36.

@Jayysen_

37.

See how I didn’t take my full shot of tequila because I know I’d throw up? Very mindful, very demure

— Natalie (@jbfan911)

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@jbfan911

38.

@ItsDanSheehan

39.

@msmacb

40.

CSPAN / @SAMGREIS

41.

NBC / @RockiiiiRoadd

42.

chappell roan sounds like a ********* school in northeast with a decent football team

—

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@qnorapname_

43.

@theereal_one

44.

“Taco Bell isn’t even good” Yeah I know. Sometimes the raccoon inside of me craves garbage. Leave me & my Crunchwrap alone

— Meg (@megannn_lynne)

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@megannn_lynne

45.

If I was told told to return my Olympic medal….yeah sure I’d give it back….but I’d be on the plane before they realize it’s cake idgaf

— jat (@whotheheckisjat)

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@whotheheckisjat

46.

@easterngoblin

47.

@Hardywolf359

48.

@garlicpitachips

49.

Its going to be 33 degrees tomorrow. Perfect conditions for sitting in front of a computer screen all day and making money for a giant corporation if you ask me.

— Mike Townsend (@townsendyesmate)

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@townsendyesmate

50.

Ever since I was a little girl I knew I wanted to take PTO

— Natalie (@jbfan911)

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@jbfan911

Which tweet made you laugh in this month’s roundup? Let us know your favorites in the comments below, and we’ll see you back here in September!




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#Lungs #Physically #Sore #Laughing #Hard #Funniest #Tweets #Month

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